Having a Child with a Genetic Defect

“Heaven have mercy on us all–Presbyterians and pagans alike–for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending.”
Herman Melville

A friend of mine in her 40’s (whom I love dearly!) is trying to carry her first pregnancy. It’s not that she didn’t want children earlier, but circumstances and an anti-child husband (whom she ended up divorcing) left her where she is today: aging and childless.

So, a new man and two implanted embryos later, she is crossing her fingers and hoping at least one of them sticks. I, of course, am hoping that both of those babies live!

It did get a little awkward when she told me she bought donated eggs instead of using her own. The doctor told her that at her age, she’d have like a 90% chance of having a baby with a genetic abnormality.

“Oh,” was about all I could say.

I have one of those children. And part of having one of “those” children is that it becomes fodder for others to excuse away having babies to add to their families. After all, you might have a defective baby. Like mine.

I’ll tell you what these sorts of doctors and pushy abortionists won’t tell you: having a child with challenges is not the end of the world. Rather, it expands it. It becomes the spot where the rubber hits the road for Bible believers (are only “certain kinds” of children…or a proper number of them…a blessing?) and a source of trial that presses us all further either towards God, or away from Him. Mommy-inadequacy and mommy-guilt hit new highs, but with each victory (yes, I CAN learn to do physical therapy!) comes a bold new confidence that this child was NOT a mistake, and neither was that child’s God-ordained MOTHER.

And, can we be honest here? Just because you or I have a baby that is perfectly normal (according to whatever standards) does not mean that baby is going to grow up and never become ill, disappoint you or get into some sort of horrific accident and die. Are we really that arrogant?

Methinks we ALL have some sort of “genetic abnormality”, and that some are just more socially acceptable or better hidden. Don’t ask your friends what’s wrong with you; ask the ones that annoy you to all smithereens about what they think those faults of yours are.

You know, we live in a time when truly most (like 90%!) of babies with Down Syndrome are aborted. It isn’t right. But I am not convinced that avoiding the possibility of carrying a child with a problem is right, either. Prenatal tests are not foolproof and don’t tell you beans about:

• how you would still love your child

• how you would find fire in your belly to defend and protect that child

• and how thankful you would be every minute for that child.

Here is a gentleman who has to live with his “choice” to abort his son with Down Syndrome:

It’s almost like a Jacob Marley-esque thing that I will drag around with me forever. If I could find some means of redemption I’d like to know how I could go about doing that.

Redemption comes with repentance, and was legally bought by the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross as you believe and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. If you have to live with the decision of having aborted a challenging child, not going to Jesus is just living prematurely in hell on earth.

Accepting your challenging child, however….well, I can say that it is a taste of heaven.

Blessings