My motivation is waning.
I still need to downsize, to simplify. I feel like I’m sleeping in a closet, and my eyes have nowhere to rest because there is clutter on every horizontal surface. Too much furniture, too many toys, too much stuff…and all of it breeds dust bunnies and invites even more complication in trying to keep everything clean.
I feel like I’m starting from scratch. The kind of scratch I began from when I was newly married, except now I have a 6yo with Down syndrome who runs around like a 2yo, and I have a 2yo who runs around like, well, a 2yo. And I’m sitting to nurse every few hours and between those times, carrying her around with one arm while trying to manage and conduct the rest of the household with the other.
I move from room to room, confused at times. What do I get rid of? What do I just pack up and put aside? And, if I choose to put it aside, WHERE? In the utility room that stays damp and cultivates mildew and mold? I refuse to rent a storage unit. And I *know* a bigger house isn’t the answer.
The crazy thing is that I love pictures of homes that are completely decluttered, full of light and space and shine. The chair with two books. The table with a few apples. The children’s bed with a single teddy bear on top. Maybe they’re fake. But they resonate with me, they call me to peace.
So I have that sort of thing in mind, and then I wander into a room and feel the deflatement in my heart.
I have a dozen books just on the subject of writing (that I’ve already read). Two drawers overflowing with table linens (that I never use). Stacks of wooden toddler toys (that no one plays with). Platters I never pile foods on, audio tapes I never play, and clothing I keep “just in case”.
Why don’t I just sell them? Donate them?
I’ll tell you why.
I already DID all of that. I already sent van loads and van loads (and van loads) of stuff away. I already sold driveways-full of garage sale things. And what is left is, basically, the stuff I LIKE.
So I’m stuck in this weird world of being completely unhappy with how things are, and yet being my own worse enemy. It’s like I’m addicted to my stuff. And the other dumb thing is that I can hardly remember any of the things that have already went, so I’m sure it wouldn’t kill me to prune some more.
Guilt doesn’t work (think of all the people who don’t have as much!) and neither does re-organizing (and re-organizing). Much like any change, it’s hard. It’s painful. It involves a little bit of spunk and a spark of courage. It involves a plan (today: the cookbooks!).
But as I said, the motivation is up and down. Right now it’s down (and I’ve escaped into blogging instead). Downsizing is not all Pinterest-pretty. Sometimes it’s not even worth a photo at all.
Plugging away (most days),
I need courage too – to get rid of the stuff that’s useful and loved but not necessary. Blank space in home helps us to focus on the eternal instead of the temporal, I think. You’re encouraging me to purge too!
I can relate to your challenge. I too like the minimalist look. The things that are necessary yet beautiful. I have 4 young boys so that look is hard to achieve. :). I wonder if it would make it easier to rent a storage unit for just 1 month. Removing items until that peaceful atmosphere you desire is reached. Then have a storage unit sell. (After you’ve retrieved a few things you must keep):). I’m praying for you! Spring is around the corner. It may not seem so bad once you and the children are outside more. It’s been a long winter.
That’s a good thought…maybe I just need spring…
I am a minimalist by nature, but my husband and son are not. I think your plan of starting with one category is good. I really only have one cookbook I use all the time-Fanny Farmer. The rest I barely open because I have favorite websites I utilize for meal ideas-Budget Bytes, The Minimalist Baker, etc. Having a newborn is always overwhelming, no matter how many times you’ve done it before. Thing about where you want to be and how you want to get there and walk that path at a pace that you can keep (and know that God can give you peace and comfort when you just feel like crawling into the corner and sobbing for a while).
I keep forgetting about the newborn time; after every one, I’m like “Hey….I ought to know how to do this already!” I guess I’m too hard on me sometimes.
Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been living in this same state and I’m glad I’m not the only one. It seems I take three steps forward (getting rid of some clutter) then go back two steps (I’m married to a wonderful man who is very sentimental about keeping things). Julie’s comment about the storage unit sounds very intriguing!
Basements anyone? Storage tubs, labeled. Just ideas for getting it out of view till you can sort. I know a lady who literally stores her stuff in sterilities outside! I suppose moisture stays out. Anyway, just ideas. Blessings to you all in getting control over stuff. I fell a sense of solidarity with you as you divide and conquer. Reclaim peace. Chase after those children not stuff. They are the eternal, stuff is so not!
Keri,
I am always amazed that when I go on vacation, or camping, how much stuff I can really live without. I have a lot of “special” pieces that I really can’t part with. I understand completely concerning the tablecloths. I just went through mine and kept one for each season. I now have 4 rather then 10. I also went through my cookbooks and I gave each of my children one. I now have one. If I really need a new recipe….I usually Google and print it off. I went through my cast iron and I’ve kept one xtra large pan, one large pan, one medium, and one tiny. I have one Dutch oven and a griddle. I gave any extra cast iron to my children to put in their trunks. I have found that giving my children some of my treasures to keep in their trunks has made decluttering a lot easier, and I know they will have memories of me cooking. I did the same with dishes, pot holders, books, lanters, wooden spoons, cutting boards, and other items handed down to me from my mother and grandmother. I don’t know if this helps, but it has made a big difference in how I’ve been able to declutter our small home even more.
I hope spring comes for you and you are able to get out and work in the garden. I think it will do all of us a lot of good to just get the children outside for awhile to get some Vitamin D! Praying for you Keri! With love, Kim
Good thoughts, Kim. I’ve let my girls go through things before releasing them, so they can have/save whatever they like. That does make it easier. And I am impressed–only one cookbook! I think I’m down to around 50 now (I know, I know, it’s a disease…)
Yes, one cookbook…….its about 5 inches thick and crammed with everything I love. Its the go-to binder!!! Not pretty to look at, but it works!! 🙂