I took a walk around the block, and enjoyed seeing purple crocus popping up underneath the bright red new growth on maple trees. More than once, however, I wished I knew my neighbors more, wished I could “pop on over for a cuppa” and chat about our kids, share a laugh, problem solve what to cook for supper that night. But though I know some names and we might share a wave in passing, no one really gets together on purpose unless it’s to get a ball that’s crossed over the fence.
But it’s not like I’m knocking on doors inviting people over for tea, either. I’ve done one or two but it seems to end after that one visit, like a check mark: met neighbor, had tea. Check. When I was growing up, however, I remember my mother regularly having friends over for coffee. I always enjoyed hearing them laugh.
With social media, we are “more connected than ever” with “more people than ever”. We can easily spend more than an hour in text, email, or peeking in on someone’s upload without having to engage with eye contact, awkward pauses, or listening at all. We can have “people CONtent” the way we want it, when we want it, for as long as we want it, and as long as everyone is doing that and is fine with it, what does it matter?
Well, it matters because people are more than avatars, and their lives are more than a means by which to tickle a curiosity bone. People matter because they reflect the likeness of God and so deserve attention, courtesy, and kindness for that reason alone.
I find social media a bit of a hinderance to that attention, courtesy, and kindness. For what is more difficult: asking one real live person a thoughtful question that would require a sincere and attentive heart and ear, or idly and anonymously checking a Facebook feed of hundreds? Social media may be a blessing to keep in touch with people who you might not otherwise talk with…but how many of them would you actually bother about if it weren’t for social media? How many would bother about you? In reality, we lack attentiveness because we don’t care to cultivate it. And we don’t care to cultivate it because it is hard.
We’re a sea of people walking around other people who won’t make eye contact with one another, much less share a pleasantry with. One chat I enjoyed not too long ago was with a man from Iran who I sat next to whilst we were waiting for our companions to finish their shopping. We joked that we ought to stop talking to each other and instead check our screens and pretend the other person doesn’t exist. Speaking to a stranger sitting nearby in a waiting room, or standing in line in a grocery store seems odd and maybe meddlesome. We don’t know what to say. We don’t nod our head or say a greeting anymore because everyone’s heads are down anyhow, their fingers scrolling their screens. (I’m not offended if you stop scrolling this and smile to the real live breathing person next to you). It’s hard not because we’re shy or busy; it’s hard because we really don’t care. We’re not even motivated to care.
This is also true in our families. These people among us become strangers, the people across the meal table, in the next room, or riding in the car. We may not have intercom in our homes, but we can text. So we do. Smartphones are always at the ready: in hand, in sight. Just in case the other person becomes a bit…boring. Or difficult.
Why are people so lonely in the digital “we’re connected to everyone” age? Why are social interactions so awkward? I doubt those are still serious questions given the amount of material written on the topic. Basically, when other people complicate (as they will) the primary importance of ruling our own personal kingdoms our own personal ways, what is sown is a justification to why we’re too occupied to invest in the effort to chat over the fence for an hour anymore.
Ponder:
Does your lifestyle or use of social media hinder, or further, your desire to have deep connections?
Do you keep the same habits because you might be afraid no one would notice your absence?
Do the people you interact with in public seem open and friendly? Or in their own heads? How might your smile, greeting, or attention (like holding the door open for the person behind you) give them a lift?
How might you engage in a more personal way to a small(er?) handful of friends in your life? If they live close, perhaps a weekly visit with coffee, a book read, Bible study, or handwork might be worked out. If they live far away, perhaps a handwritten letter written shared regularly would be a blessing to both of you.
I assume you’re reading this because, like me, you find more meaning and satisfaction in profound friendships and gracious social interactions. Going deeper in them will involve cutting out those activities that impede them, and stoking a little bit of effort to animate them into motion.
Why not choose to do something differently if you’re not content with how things are? I better go invite that neighbor back over for tea 🙂
Blessings,
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