This is a part of a series of thoughts for my next book, Slow Schooling…And Other Thoughts on Rescuing Childhood
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One recurring theme I hear is that adults need to text or Facebook the children in their lives or they’ll never hear from them. This may be true, but peeking into a child’s public Facebook page to discover they’ve either been to the doctor or Tahiti isn’t the same as hearing about it one on one through private messaging, even via Skype or email. In this (private) case, the technology may be useful, especially if there is long distance involved. But the truth is: tone of voice, body language, and the meeting of the eyes are definitely missing. We can’t change our nomadic relationships, however, so the question of how to keep in touch over distances is going to be one needing answers on an individual basis. But far too often, we default to “just texting” or putting up a status update instead of getting messy with actual conversation. why not call up Grandma on the telephone instead of assuming she’s just keeping up with your blog? Why not make time to drive 15 minutes and have lunch with your Dad?
So, what’s the balance? As a parent, we don’t want to nurture harmful habits or appetites. After all, the average age of a gamer is now 35 years old! But is anyone seriously promoting this as a good and honorable thing, or that participating in video gaming is a rite of childhood? An addictive attachment to any electronic device is not promoting the mature and godly character of an adult to say the least. Furthermore, it continues to degrade the lack of social skills and even an inkling of concern for observational attention to what–and who–is nearby.
Considering the potential (and probable) short and long-term effects of electronic devices on memory, attention spans, and focus, it might be useful to think of screen time as candy and dole it out responsibly. For example, don’t put your baby to bed to be drugged into slumberland via a video, “Einstein” or not, any more than you would desire to overdose them into a coma of sugar to get them to sleep. And adults don’t have to model and thereby foster the habitual screen dependency by engaging in it at every turn. Better to spend time, and be present, wholly engaged. Better to foster the habit of face-to-face conversation (that takes time and companionship) now than to lament the lack thereof when the child is grown and gone and perfectly satisfied disengaged with an elderly parent (that would be, you!).
Other than encouraging lackluster relationships, what does too much screen time have to do with childhood?
* It celebrates a narcissistic worldview, encouraging children to remain immature.
* It encourages escapism.
* It shortens attention spans and weakens observational skills.
* It kills imagination, boredom, and time to think.
* It hinders exercise and gross motor play.
* It exposes them to content–violence, sex–that even adults ought to find unworthy of their eyes and time.
* It steals from time that could be better spent honing skills, trying out new hobbies, and practicing hospitality or ministry.
* It gives a sense of accomplishment where in reality none exists. Nothing is “achieved” just by making the high score.
* It deadens empathy and compassion for other people, and hardens their hearts.
We are seeing a mass dying of conscience and human potential, beginning in childhood. These are people who are uniquely equipped to bring forth their God-given talents and innate curiosities and giftings, in order to bless others and live a life rich with purpose and meaning. Sending thousands of texts per month or hours upon hours on screens does not encourage those sorts of endeavors!
Like a caustic herbicide, the fruit of personal screen time looks promising (connection! educational! fun!), but in the end, even the raindrops end up carrying its poison and affecting our families, yes, even humanity, as a whole. Maybe you think this can’t be true, that what one does with his or her own private time with screens doesn’t make a difference in the life of another. That it really doesn’t matter, it doesn’t hurt anyone else. As we shall see, this too is a falsehood…
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/10159917/Average-video-game-fan-is-35-years-old.html
http://www.businessinsider.com/chart-of-the-day-number-of-texts-sent-2013-3
http://epaper.pe.com/Olive/ODE/PressEnterprise/LandingPage/LandingPage.aspx?href=UFNFLzIwMTUvMTEvMTU.&pageno=MTI3&entity=QXIxMjcwNA..&view=ZW50aXR5
Well done Keri Mae,
Have remembered you all often before our Father’s throne with thanksgiving…
Please say hello to Tom and all the Kids…
aye,
in Jesus,
Daniel
KeriMae,
I definitely agree with you on this. I have friends, who, out of desperation, had to get cell-phones because their children “don’t have time to talk” and are now texting. I don’t like the way American families are being “bullied” into this new culture of cell phones, Facebook, and Instagram if they want to have any time with their children. Sad. Very sad. We have dumb-phones and I refuse to get Smart phones! Not that they are wrong; they will just lead to more time wasted looking up needless information, and wasting time “surfing” the net. I do not want to create in myself or my child a stronghold that will be hard to break in the future. We removed cable, from our home, 22 years ago for the same reason. Screens are addicting. It is sad to see how many people, young and old, are addicted to their phones. Before, at least we could leave the TV or computer and go for a bike ride, walk, or just play outside. Today, we see people trying to maneuver a bike, running, walking, and even playing, with one eye focused on their phone and the other on the activity. If that is really possible. Ugh! I sometimes hate it. I really get disturbed when I get dressed for an outing with a friend for coffee, and then realize she spent most of her time “checking” her phone. Really, is she THAT needed!? I can’t help but reminisce just 6 years ago that if we left the house and missed a call, no one really cared. If it was really important, they would call again or leave a message on the answering machine. How did we ever survive?!
I have another one. My children really enjoy play dates with other children. We have families that I love to spend time with. The children play outside and build forts, ride bikes, and make “weapons” out of anything. They bring tubs of Legos and spend hours creating. The children have a great time. We also have had play dates that have taught the children a valuable lesson: Friends are important. We have went for play days where all the children do is play on their hand-held device. The children ask their friends to go outside and play or even play a game, but there is no removing the device from their hands. My children have realized that the device was more important than their friendship. The addiction won.
I really believe, as parents, we need to be purposeful when raising our children. It doesn’t “just” happen. We need to be involved and really encourage them to be different from the world. We have a question at our home. Will this “_______” bring you closer to God, or pull you to the world’s way of thinking? Everything has an underlying agenda.
This post was “heavy”. I had to read and re-read it! I agree whole-hardheartedly! Thanks for the brain workout! 🙂
By Grace Alone,
Kim
Well….hmmmmm….this is a hot topic! I tend towards extremes and also in being very conservative. I also tend to want the “ideal” life. My husband is more of a “go with the flow” type, and has not wanted to stand out because of non-biblical black/white issues. This is one of them. Whereas I would choose to not have a tv at all, or video games, my husband has wanted the kids to have them. So as to teach the children balance. I think his thought process is, if we don’t allow our children to participate in these things at all, we aren’t preparing them for living with technology and screen based entertainment when they are out of our house. Funny, my kids all had their noses in books recently, and I thought, we are all here and no-one is “present”. So whatever our entertainment is, whether it be painting, or reading, or playing a video game, they can all be a distraction or hindrance to relationship. Of course, I see the video game as not having much value and in fact having a damaging effect on my child’s development, but in reality, within limits, these things are permissible. I have to make sure I’m not drawing black and white lines in my life where God has not in Scripture. I continue to remind myself that my deepest desire and prayer for my children is that they would grow up to know the love of the Lord and then love him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength and love their neighbor as themselves! Love! It’s everything!