While I was pregnant last fall, I had a woman ask about the number of children I had, and my age. I told her (smile). She shook her head when she inquired about homeschooling, proceeded to lament her teen son’s apparent lack of educational ambitions, and then said, and I quote, “If I were pregnant again you’d have to take me out to the woods and shoot me!”
Well. That’s sad, on a whole lot of levels.
I wonder if sometimes having any children at all is just a matter of having something to check off on the list of life. Then we push them to grow up as fast as possible so that we can get to doing whatever it is we want to be doing instead of being with our babies. Or maybe we keep them home and homeschool but then we still push them to finish the textbook within an allotted time-frame so that we can get them to the next one this September so that they could hurry up and graduate and go to the proper college to get the job that will, again, allow us to get to doing whatever it is we want to be doing instead. (You can ask your kid to diagram that last sentence. You’re welcome.)
How come just being with these little people isn’t enough?
I guess I’m wondering what the point is. Is the point just to have children, get them educated, and then…whatever….? What’s the rush? And what’s wrong with a 40-something year old woman having (a)nother baby? (Or does that only work if I put in 20 years into another career first?)
I’m wondering why learning can’t just be another aspect of living. Like eating. Can you imagine finishing up a good lunch, and before your lips swipe the napkin already fretting about the next meal, when it will be, how much time it might take, if the ingredients are all there, and *what if* it doesn’t assuage your hunger? But there we are as homeschoolers, already plotting and planning the curriculum for the next umpteen years even as our babies are just learning to read, fretting about *what if* we mess up their lives by choosing the wrong math book.
Are you struggling with this? I don’t have a website or book or method to recommend. You might laugh at what I recommend, and it is this: relax, already. As in, just park for a few minutes a day and read a book to your child without wondering if it’s on the list of must-reads in order for your 8-year-old to set sail for AP English later on. Because, frankly, your child might not want to go to college. Your child might want to run a landscaping business because he likes the outdoors. Or maybe swing a hammer. Or be a farmer. You do like pretty parks, right? You like living in a house? You like eating? Someone had to plant the plants, build the house, grow the food. Why not let your child bloom into his or her own interests?
Too many times, too many years, we press them into our own educational biases before we give them a chance to learn about what they’re interested in. Or we drag them to this and that when they just want to stay home or go fishing.
Many people ask about our homeschool, and I guess I’ve hesitated in sharing because it can be a contentious subject. But I think I’ve outgrown the comparison dance and my skin’s grown thick enough to withstand the withering opinions of others. We do other things than just “schoolwork”. We play. We play music. We do chores, bake, and take care of chickens. We ride bikes, play with Legos (a lot), and keep the sewing machines humming. Sometimes we act in theater productions, sometimes we dissect frogs with friends, and we are constantly putting books on hold from the library. And reading them. In other words, we just live life. And, somehow, perhaps miraculously, they learn stuff. And I have the test results to prove it ๐
I’ve dabbled in many different schooling methods over the years (my eldest is now 17 1/2). First of course was the school-at-home method, because that is what I knew both from being a graduate of AND an educator in the public school system. That was insanely stressful, because everything else in our lives rotated around the schoolwork. I wanted learning to be in every part of our lives, not just from this hour to that one. Recently, maybe it was the downsize, maybe it was the massive decluttering of not just stuff but of our lives, but I like where our homeschool is nowadays. It is, for lack of a better word, relaxed. Comfortable. Easy-going, and yet very productive and fun. It feels right. It is furthering one of my Big Goals: raising kids who not only know *how* to learn but *want* to learn. That will fit them for life rather well, I think.
Each of my kids has a planner. I ask them at the beginning of the day what they are *planning* to do that day. It’s a good way to check on chores (laundry day, for example), and I can also keep them moving along with whatever subject (“let’s see a couple of math pages done today”). Just the act of writing down their *plans* means that it is all more likely to get done. They’re aware of the day and their goals, and it keeps them on track. I also like that it puts the onus of learning on THEM. What I say around here is that it is MY responsibility to provide materials and to teach, but it is THEIR responsibility to learn. Furthermore, once a kid gets an idea they’re excited about (“I want to work for NASA!”), then the planner is a slam dunk: “Ok, then, let’s look at what their requirements are…oh, you need a degree in something like mathematics…which means, you’ll need to take these classes…”. Then, when we’re dealing with an unmotivated slug, I can shrug and say, “That’s ok…it just means it will take you longer to get to NASA…and do your math anyway…”
We try to get some homeschooling done every day, all year round. I could say, not including weekends, but that would be false, because my kids love to read and learn and I’m not about to ban them from books on certain days of the week. Like I said, it’s just living. Like eating. We eat on weekends, too.
So I guess my method right now is “slow school”. I dunno if that’s trademarked yet, but you (maybe) heard it here first ๐ Here are some things we do in our homeschool, and some ideas for you to consider. Every day is blessedly different, and I don’t fret if we do less on one day than another. It just sort of all works out and I’m not spending a bazillion hours anymore “planning”.
Ideas for Daily Slow School:
Bible: proverbs video, independent study (Kay Arthur’s materials or Studying God’s Word), Scripture Memory Fellowship…
Read aloud: lunch time (currently reading Swiss Family Robinson and The Fallacy Detective)…we will pull out unknown words and assign them for looking them up in that old-fashioned thing called a dictionary
WOD: (word of the day)…one word, discuss Latin/Greece roots, definition, etc.
reading
math
spelling (we use Spell to Write and Read)
journaling
personal study on whatever topic (which is usually science or history related)
grammar/handwriting: read aloud passage, copy or dictate, check & rewrite as needed, Webster’s dictionary work, diagramming, project or report
animal husbandry
homemaking chores (why is learning how to do laundry less important than algebra?)
Ideas for Weekly Slow School:
research topic…we’ve been picking topics out of a box, researching and writing reports, and then presenting them to our family. If you ever want your kids to really learn something, have them try to teach it!
handwriting: write out memory verses, make grocery lists, etc.
math games
knowledge questions (5)….put up 5 trivia questions, such as “What is REM sleep?” or “How many teaspoons in a tablespoon?”
draw a topic out of a hat–talk on it immediately for one minute
write a letter
play board games….and turn off those screens
science experiment/lab
art/craft
You know, you only have today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just a wish. And children are a blessing, and that means even while they are at our feet…or in the womb. Enjoy them! And no, I’m not *announcing* anything ๐
Happy (and relaxed) learning!
Thank you for this!
Your conversation with that woman reminded me of a conversation I had with a woman in the bathroom at Walmart. I had three kids with me and was getting exasperated with one of them for not just picking a stall already. The lady asked “are they all yours?” Yes, they are. I can’t remember her exact words but it was sort of like “see, I could never have kids, it’s too much work.” I felt like I had somehow misrepresented family life in those 3 minutes in the bathroom (why? I know rationaly that its not reasonable to expect to have an aura of serenity whenever I’m out with my kids, but in that moment I felt like this woman might never have kids because of a bathroom visit). So I started to explain that it’s lots of fun too. Her response? “No, I love my money too much.” And then she left. I was shocked, but at least she was honest!
I will take our advice and relax. I’ve just finished my first year of homeschool and I’ll try to chill out when choosing curriculum next year.
Beautiful! To embrace such time with our families is our gift from above.Every encounter is opportunity to smile and SHINE! Thank you Keri!!
Love this so much! I think it’s good to remember that all they really need is our attentiveness and love. A nurturing environment goes a long way toward making lovers of life long learning. This is spot on. And you look so beautiful sitting there with your little one and helping a bigger one. Very organic. Thanks for sharing this wise insight.
Blessings,
Rebecca
P.S. I keep peeking at your twitter page to see if you mention your book coming out. I see it’s gone. I don’t blame you. You keep saying one day you might disappear altogether. (Oh, no! Don’t do that.) I would understand that. Also understand how hard it must be to find the time to get the book out. All in good time. Patience… ๐
I’m still there: https://twitter.com/kerimae
The book launch is coming very, very soon….*hopefully* by the end of the month! Tom has been working especially hard to make sure the bugs are gone and that it will be a blessing. And the audiobook is so fun; Tom is even adding sound effects!
Hi, yes this is us during school year! I have 8 kids 12 and under, and when I get those I could never do it or how do you it comments, I shrug and smooch a baby! I don’t do it all, but I’ll never be doing it alone ever! The babies and toddlers are the funniest messiest part, I already see how fast those years go and it scares me, I would never want to rush the toddlers years! Toddlers forever for everyone! Haha….
Yes!! Thank you! What a great example you are!
How do you teach them to read? We read aloud a lot. Our day looks a lot like yours actually (though I do like your planner for each day!). I’m struggling a bit because my oldest just turned 7 and reading hasn’t clicked for her yet. How do you approach reading?
Hi Rachel
I find that with reading it is much like fencing: when the ground is soft (in the spring–not in winter), the posts will sink in easily. Generally speaking, when a child is ready, reading will come. At the earliest, I had a child begin reading at 4. At the latest, 8. Reading aloud helps to prepare the ground, and listening to audio tapes does, too. So does access to paper and pencils and paints and playdough. Two things that I have used very successfully (and, interestingly, both probably at odds with each other in terms of technique…but each child is different!): Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons (http://amzn.to/1dUFtHM)–and I didn’t do *everything* in it–and Spell to Write & Read (http://www.bhibooks.net/swr.html)–and I didn’t do *everything* there either. Of course there are exceptions, but I think that for the most part, we have more faith that our children will learn to walk than learn to read. Lastly, we need to model what we want our children to emulate. There are 32,000,000 adults in the U.S. who *can’t* read (http://www.statisticbrain.com/number-of-american-adults-who-cant-read/) but 42% of American college graduates *won’t* even read another book after finishing their schoolwork (http://www.statisticbrain.com/reading-statistics/). Bottom line: I think if we want to grow readers, we’ve got to be readers, too.
Thank you! I totally agree that we should model what we want; I’ve always loved reading and I think that is probably why I want her so badly to read, I’d like her to feel the magic of getting lost in a good book. Ironically, she writes amazingly, and is a wonderful artist. I will look into the other options you have listed. We have done Reading Eggs and that does work a bit. She’s excellent in math and science, so maybe it’s that reading isn’t a priority for her just yet. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response!
Thank you so much for this info!
Thank you for writing this! I think I need to read it every week for a while until I can embrace it fully….this is what I am constantly telling my husband that I want for our learning! It’s so easy to get off track. Thanks again!
I love this, it’s what we do as well, although not the each kids with their own planner thing. I REALLY love that, we usually just write a general one on the chalk board, but I’m giving personal planners a try! The whole concept of “Slow School” (awesome description) was a hard one for me for quite a while, it went against all my teacher training, however it’s also been the best thing finally embrace. Our days are happier and I really want my kids to be lifelong learners, to crave curiosity, and its rewards. My middle gal wants to be a clothing designer,(since she was 4), my husband Paul happened to meet one while working and asked what the requirements and best path should be, Lila found that hugely motivating! I love watching them follow their interests and seeing just what God made them to be. Thanks for sharing this with us!
Dear Mrs. Lamar,
Thank you so much for your encouraging and inspiring podcasts and blog posts! I read every new one that comes out and I am so thankful for your ministry to those who come to your website.
Blessings in Christ,
Issabella
Loved this article! I have a question about the planners your kids have. What kind do you use and at what age do you start that?
Hello Becky
Thank you ๐ I am working on a blog post, coming next, that will share that very thing.
Thank you thank you thank you! I was trying to figure out when I lost my joy, when everything became such a rush… I am doing it to myself! The schedule, the planner and the textbooks are not my boss! My children desperately need character training and to learn how to get along… That is way more important than checking another item off the list! Thank you!
May your joy be full! And yes, I always say to my kids, “The schedule is our servant, not our master.” ๐
As a homeschooling mother of six who has had this conversation more than once, I love this on so many levels!
Thank you, Birdie ๐