When It Feels Ridiculous

It was a somewhat ridiculous morning. Even after all of the years I’ve spent decluttering, downsizing, and minimizing, I still walked into my living room and could see all of the books and magazines standing tall and clamoring “read me…read me…read me…” I then entered into the kitchen and although the dishes were clean, they all were still on the counter chanting “put.me.away….put.me.away…” And not half an hour into the routine of the day, I already had changed my toddler’s clothing, repeated myself three times to a misbehaving child, and forgotten to put a filter into my coffee maker (discovered after the fact). I admit I kind of guffowed when the idea of paying stay at moms surfaced, but then I reconsidered. For about half of a millisecond.

Homemaking can be hard, challenging, frustrating, and tiring. Which is why so many people want to rescue moms like me from it, or give me some sort of recognition or remuneration. But I’ve already been in the career/work force and I’ve had plenty of hard, challenging, frustrating and tiring days there, too. Sure, there is a paycheck, money, a retirement plan, promotion. But with homemaking, I have freedom to manage my day any way I want, plus I get tender kisses on my cheek, dandelion bouquets, and plenty of laughter. Who can put a price on that? What is that worth? What number will you put on a paycheck for those things?

How about menu planning, procuring foods from all over the place, and then preparing yet another meal day after day? There is no paycheck for me when I serve my family in this way. But I do get a table full of people two to three times a day, talking, sharing, planning, learning how to relate, learning how to debate, learning how to fight, learning how to forgive, learning how to love. How much could you possibly pay me to launch such intuitive and sensitive people into the world to become your neighbors, friends, business owners, politicians, and co-workers? What price is it worth to you to have kind drivers, earnest workers, and people attuned to the needs of others and willing to work hard and loyally for their own families and friends and country?

It is crass to even consider such things of utmost value having any sort of monetary equivalent.

Also, as a homemaker, I am not hindered in personal development.  I do not lack mental stimulation or means to learn and grow, although there are definite seasons, short as they are, where taking a nap holds a higher priority. I do have access to the internet, the library, and the bookstore. I am able to freely manage my time to take a class or learn a trade or explore a curiosity even while homemaking is my main work. My Instagram feed is full of those kinds of endeavors, and there are evergrowing numbers of mompreneurs making it work from home. Naturally, with homeschooling, my children have these same resources and opportunities to learn widely, and deeply, as well.

You might say I am lucky or blessed to have the privilege of a good single income from my husband. I say that is true. We have been married 29 years, because divorce was never an option even when we were sick, poor, and definitely traveling through “for worse” wildernesses. And we had a laughable income from my husband (could you even call it an income?) when I announced that I would live in a shack with my baby if that’s what it took for me to stay home to raise her, be with her, guard her little heart, feed her healthy foods, kiss her boo boos and teach her to read. So I turned in my resignation, giving up the only real income, health insurance, and retirement plan we had. From then on, my job was my baby, and it was my husband’s job to feed us. I was utterly convinced: I was a wife and mother and my feet belonged at home, period. It was gloriously freeing.

I know there’s cultural and political pressure to abandon the home, which is why we feet-planters-stayers are in the minority. Women are expected to  believe that *anything else* is better than homemaking and raising a family. See the disappointment when a young woman professes this as her greatest desire. Hear the “what a waste” tone and the eager push to do anything but…at least for a while…at least “first”. There is talk about pushing public education to 3 year olds all so moms can be “free” to go into the workforce, and let’s not forget the whole premise of abortion is the “freedom” to be as unpregnant as a man (why? so you can go into the workforce…). Sometimes the pressure is familial, where getting a college degree to go be a professional anything-other-than-a-homemaker is a source of pride. And in our day, I am certain someone will say (or has said) or publish (or has published) a book trumpeting homemaking and mothering as racial or colonial or cultish or patriarchal or oppressive, and those ideas are meant to shame stay-at-home mothers. Don’t be deceived; you will literally lack nothing of transcendent value. And we stay-at-home mothers already know that. That’s why We Stay Home, cook our macaroni and cheese, scrub the toilet and play Monopoly for the thirty-seventh time.

If folks REALLY wanted to help women, they wouldn’t be trying to guilt or push us out of the home promising utopia somewhere else, especially when we are personally convinced and contented to stay home. If folks really wanted to help us, they’d make marriages more enticing and divorces harder to get. They’d stop investing in and protecting the porn industry. They’d incentivize businesses to allow more people to work from home. They’d encourage local churches to thrive because those churches are on the front lines of helping families stay together and gathering communities in times of celebration and in times of grief. If they really wanted to help me have more money, they’d give my family a tax cut so we could be more productive in society and more supportive of businesses and charities. They’d change zoning laws so that I could actually run a business out of my home, whether it is hairdressing, bookkeeping, or automotive repair. They’d change the laws so that I could actually bake cakes or cook jams to sell from my own kitchen without having to put an industrial sized drain in the middle of my floor. They’d let me keep a flock of chickens in my backyard, plant zucchini in my front yard, and sell eggs and produce from my front door. They’d give me an educational credit for each child so I could take money wherever I wanted for my child to be educated (whether it was public school, private school, trade school, or homeschool) and I could pay for classes, books, music lessons, sports, therapies and opportunities that fit my own child’s particular and greatest needs and interests. They’d stop taking even more taxes from the working people in my family for their achievements and institute a fair tax across the board. They’d make it easier for me to find and support our local farmers and stop pretending they don’t know why our nation is so unhealthy when so much of our hard-earned money (that I would spend on better quality food) goes to corporations making shelf stable and lab-engineered boxes of foodstuff, and then even more tax money funnels to pharmaceutical companies to try to clean up the mess these pseudofoods created in the first place. If they really cared about my health and wellbeing, they’d give me tax credits for a gym membership, dump junk food advertising, and stop insisting I prepare for an inevitable lonely life in a nursing home (we’re the first state to have a long-term care law in which we will be taxed even more–and even more for the same product if you earn more–for that “insurance”).

Actually, and obviously, the social and political pressure to abandon the home has nothing to do with lifting me or my family up in any way, and you can come up with your own reasons or conspiracy theories for why that is so. The reasons don’t ultimately matter, as we don’t need to spin our wheels explaining ourselves. The truth is that the safety and security of a nation isn’t based on what percentage of women enter the workforce and pay more taxes into the endless pit of government spending and expansion.  The strength of a nation is based not on its economic might but on its people loving and serving God within the parameters of the scriptures, for as Psalms 33:12 says, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD”. In other words, the safety and security of the families and homes within that nation will be built by not only faithful men, but by faithful women who take Titus 2:5 seriously.

God bless the mothers who keep their feet at home regardless of the outside whirlwind. Their hearts are not only towards their own families, but outwards towards their communities and country. And in their wisdom and strength, they keep their eyes towards the multiple generations to come who will be blessed because of their faithfulness. They are priceless, and they are doing their part to build up a nation with every mess (on every level) they quietly clean up.

Can homemaking be hard? Yes. But as I mentioned, no work worth doing is easy. If you need to, look for help. Apps such as FlyLady or books such as The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer are super helpful.

Are there times when homeschooling is challenging? Yes. If you need to, look for help. Find mentors or ready-to-roll full curriculums or co-ops or books by such authors as Ruth Beechick for philosophy and lifestyle and lesson planning helps.

Can parenting be frustrating and tiring? Yes. Again, if you need to, look for help. Seek mentors mothering children you like to be around, and read/study/apply books such as Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Trip.

Life is not easy, period, and there is no utopia this side of heaven no matter what promises/lies are told. Faithful homekeeping engages your heart, mind, body and soul. But it is not a task impossible with God’s help, and—with God—is a means of His blessing, growth, and grace. I know the world seems a little (a lot) of crazy mixed up in a whole lot of audacious lies. Listen to me: there is nothing new under the sun. Stay faithful, friends, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, on that eternal race, noting and listening to that cloud of witnesses who have gone before you. Keep on reflecting the light of Christ from your homes built on His solid and everlasting Rock. Even when, especially when, it feels ridiculous.

Blessings,