You can find part one HERE and part two HERE.
When the joy is gone, life isn’t very bright. I know what it’s like to walk around in the midst of cloudy disappointment or struggle, much like Pig Pen in the Charlie Brown series. Everything is discolored by it, from the blessing of sweet giggles of an adoring toddler to the real injury from a critical and condescending person.
Part one of this series deals with recognizing our own need to come before a holy and righteous God, and to realize and submit our need for His work in our own hearts. We absolutely cannot move beyond our consciences and the obvious need and longing to be whole and finally free from our past and present (and future) sins, even the ones we hate that we do. To ignore this calling is to welcome the cloud and to make our home in the dark, and it is hypocritical, at best, to desire light while denying its source.
Part two suggests that we become a student of our own behaviors and thoughts and to admit them honestly and humbly. To say we want peace, for example, and then find ourselves at a constant nitpick at everyone around us, is an obvious disconnect from walking in integrity. Your spirit will not rest if if you know what you ought to do, and yet continue to reject doing it. Unfortunately, we are also naturally bent towards self-deception. It’s the attitude and belief that *we* are fine, and we would be better, if only *they* (people, politics, religion, systems, whatever…) would get in line to our own thinking and how things ought to be. Getting real objective information about our own part in creating joylessness is a powerful wakeup, and this process can take a long, long time. We need to be gentle, but firm, with ourselves.
Once these areas (from part one and part two) are clearly defined, it is time to get to work. Yes, work. Because no one is going to wave a magic wand and make the world look or behave how you feel you would be your best person in. And the only way to avoid that work at this point is to utterly deny the cloud you’re in, like a mantra (“I am not in a cloud. I do not see a cloud. I am full of joy. Full, I say, full!”), but again, your spirit is not as readily deceived as you may think your mind to be. It is time to specifically apply those actions you need to do in order to live that joy-filled life, regardless of outward circumstances or your particular hormonal mood.
But how do you know what those actions are?
Although the Bible is not a textbook for behavioral modification, and in fact entirely misses the point if that is the only approach, it is a Book full of wisdom and correction and instruction in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16).
I remember the day I realized I did not have a light and joyful countenance while going about my daily tasks of homemaking, child raising, and homeschooling. Sure, I got most of everything touched upon if not completed, but my attitude was one of a sober business manager, not one of a loving, joyful mother. What objective feedback made this clear for me? The mirror.
I was walking past the bathroom and caught a look in the mirror and immediately noticed my face. It looked…serious. The question that came up in my spirit was, “Are you angry?” And I considered this and honestly said “no”, as I had no reason to be and nothing whatsoever was even provoking me in any way. I was simply on the way to move laundry around, and it was a bright beautiful day. I then began to think how this is the face my children encounter every day: a very serious, task-minded, business-like woman, aiming to Get Things Done. This was in conflict with the joyful, light and warm person I wanted to be, not only to them, but to the world (even as I Got Things Done). So I made a pact with myself to smile every time I came upon a child.
It took such diligence and obedience! And it felt so fake; my face was not being true to my habit. But slowly, over time, I realized I did not have to tell myself anymore, “Smile, Keri”, and even now many years later I feel a relaxed and easy warm smile come when I see or hold any of my babies, no matter how old they happen to be. I can also tell you that many years later, I began to laugh easily, and that laughter has brought even more joy to my spirit and—I assume—to my family as well.
Here are some more examples of how you might apply Biblical teaching to real-life homework for yourself:
Proverbs 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Is the law of kindness upon your tongue when you open your mouth to speak to your husband or to your children? If not, that is the specific application for you today and tomorrow and for however long it takes: to practice speaking kindly both in word and in tone. Expect it to feel “fake” in the beginning; remember your poor speaking is a longstanding, ingrained and even “natural” habit at this point. But that still does not negate the truth of Scripture, and the truth of how a Christian ought to speak, and the power of God’s enabling grace in order to do it.
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Are you reading and studying your Bible, in order to know what is right and true and good? Are you reading materials or watching programs or listening to lyrics or podcasts that attempt to negate or repress Truth as revealed in Scripture? How can you honestly prove what is good if you do not renew and change your thinking as necessary in order to align it with what is right? Are you more concerned about fitting in, hiding your light under a bushel, denying your faith, fearing abandonment, or having the accolades of other people than in glorifying God—your Maker—with the use of your gifts or your life? If so, that is the specific application you need: to read and study your Bible first thing every morning, undistracted by a smartphone or other reading material.
Do you see what I mean by (1) recognizing and becoming aware of a problem (from part 2 of this series) and (2) specifically giving to yourself application homework?
Examples of homework might include:
Becoming a student: signing up or showing up for an in-person Bible study for accountability
Embarking on other education: ordering and listening to a series of solid teaching on an issue you are struggling with, whether anger or depression or…
Memorizing Scripture: downloading an app to help you daily memorize and meditate on the Word of God
Making lists: make a list of 15 ways the law of kindness can be on your tongue, make a list of 20 ways you can show respect to your husband, make a list of 40 ways you can honor God today, etc.
Moving forward: deleting apps from your smartphone that cause you to stumble, removing all of the alcohol from your house, clearing your closet of clothing that says you’re sloppy, signing up for FlyLady or other home keeping applications, etc.
Serving: committing to faithfully serving your local church in some way, or—backing up here—committing to join and faithfully attend a local church service. It is simply impossible to love Jesus and yet deny or neglect the Bride He is so joyfully set before Him as He endured the cross.
Here are just a couple of resources (in addition to Bible study) that you may find helpful in your walk towards overcoming joylessness, and in finding real help in this fallen world:
for reading and homework ideas: Homework Manual for Biblical Living
for finding a personal counselor: Association of Biblical Certified Counselors
One more part in the series to come.
Blessings,
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