And other things I’ve learned in the last 4 1/2 years of following Ramsey, downsizing, and “living like no one else” PART ONE
Do you want to learn about money?
Forget religion and politics; what really sets the grim smile on people is trying to talk about money. NOT talking about money led our family down many interesting paths, but always led back to the same place. Over and over and over again. Repeat.
But first, some questions for your consideration. Think about these thoughtfully; the answers matter.
What was your upbringing regarding money?
Fill in the blank: money is _____________
Fill in the blank: people with money are ___________
Now:
Where or how did you learn those above answers?
If I had more money, I would ________
True or false: I have enough resources to financially bless my children and grandchildren.
For this post, I want to get out of our wallets and into our heads. Because like so much else, how our lives unfold are a direct result of how we think, not necessarily because of our circumstances.
Here is an example of thinking about money differently. The phrase I hear more than any other (I’ve used it myself) is “I can’t afford it.” Maybe you’ve used and heard it as well. Over and over and over again. Repeat. (See what I did there?)
Now, it may or may not true that you have funds available (notice I did not say “cash on hand”) in order to purchase the thing or experience you are in desire of. But saying, “I can’t afford it” puts the kibosh on attaining that want, doesn’t it. It’s saying, “I’m poor, I’ll always be poor, and that’s that.” This from someone living in the western world still with its fill of opportunity and freedom! Park your cynicism for a moment, because I’m not talking about just breaking out a credit card.
Two more questions:
What is the payoff in believing that “I can’t afford it”?
Who benefits from your believing that?
Let me give a seemingly unrelated real life event happening right in my backyard, about how what you think and why, when you think wrongly, that way ends up shooting yourself in the foot.
A nearby timber company plans to (legally) drop glyphosate from the skies onto their 300+ acre property. Naturally (and I agree), there is an uproar. No one wants this chemical dropped onto this property, where for certain it will get into ground water and contaminate the air we’re all breathing besides. But this is a company who is looking to raise timber for sale, so that people can buy wood that’s been translated into houses, furniture, toys, and more. In order to keep the weeds down, and increase the timber, they feel a need to use this effective chemical while they get the next generation of timber growing.
What are some other options? Let the weeds get dealt with via other, more expensive and perhaps labor-intense methods. Or allow for a decrease in product. I’m sure there are more options I’m not aware of.
And many of us say, “YES! Do THAT!”
Well, hold the phone. As it turns out, most of us sure do like those cheaper products. We like our big box wood stores selling pieces of lumber at a cheap price. We like buying our homes for less money. In fact, we’d rather ship our products across the Pacific Ocean and in exchange get cheaper materials. And why is that? Because “we can’t afford it”…the “it” being timber raised in a more sustainable and healthy way.
Furthermore, how many of those people who claim to hate glyphosate buy organic food (that it, not raised with the very same chemicals)? Last I looked, my local market got rid of their puny organic selection because the town would not sustain it (notice I did not say “could not”). And why is that? Because “we can’t afford it”.
So inevitably we will get chemicals dumped onto our heads because what we’re really saying through our wallets is “yes, please, and more of the same later.” It’s the same thing we say when, through our lifestyle choices, agree to ingest unending chemicals (drugs) later because “we can’t afford” (in time OR money) to take a walk or practice healthy habits right now.
So, then, what do we say, by our actions, that we CAN afford?
Well, we say we can afford whatever our paycheck says, here and now. But maybe–if we’re not in debt paying someone else for the privilege of yesterday’s purchases. Or barely–if we’re upping our lifestyle instead of our financial education for every $5 raise. And we can afford whatever fixed income the government wants to put us on when we’re older, if we’re lucky (if we’re not, no problem, the state will take from our grandchildren a little more). We can afford whatever doctor or whatever medication our insurance tells us. And we can afford whatever’s left after we pay all of the bills yelling at us to pay them first. So who is telling you what you can and can’t afford?
It isn’t you.
Because if it WAS you, you probably would not be saying, “I can’t afford it.” What you might be saying instead is, “Hmmm…HOW can I afford it?” or “WHEN can I afford it?” or “WHAT do I need to do to afford it?” Sometimes we say “I can’t afford it” because we’ve never considered any other view of money different from what we imbibed growing up. But, also, too many times we say, “I can’t” when it really means “I won’t.”
Like: I won’t figure out a way. I won’t get financially educated. I won’t pay myself first. I won’t read books, listen to podcasts, take classes or attend conferences to understand the stock market, the health care system or small business practices. I won’t pay a dollar more for the mom-and-pop coffee shop (whose family lives next door) because I’d rather pay a CEO who doesn’t know me at all. I won’t pay the artist for her talent, time, and hard work because I’d rather ask her for charity work (she doesn’t need to eat). And I won’t pay for sustainable timber now to avoid medical problems later. We simply do not connect those dots to reveal why we remain stuck.
Many times (most times?) it’s not a matter of money at all. It’s a matter of VALUE. As in, what you value, how much value you attribute to something, and how you show with your wallet what you say you value with your heart and mouth. If you don’t value the work or experience or service or item, you don’t want to afford it, even as you say you can’t. If you don’t value the discomfort of thinking of money in new ways, then you won’t do the work of trying to dig out of the rut in new ways, either. And on it goes.
What is really derailing your goals, if it’s not the actual dollars in your wallet hindering them? Are any of those based on any “I won’t” or “I can’t” thinking? How we think about money forms those ruts in the roads of our decisions. If those decisions continue to deny us the ability to be generous, thoughtful, and powerful in our use of money, then we need to ask questions and consider other ways of thinking.
There’s a big difference between using your money and spending it. When you use your money to grow your money, your lifestyle gets better and your goals don’t seem so unrealistic. That is you using your money. But when your money makes all of your decisions for you and all you do is spend it, then your money is using you.
More to come.
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